23. Cheththilaappaththu Having enjoyed His grace to the brim, he is worried for having parted from Him. He cries, “Alas! I have lost the inner objective of my mind even while awake. I, a false and poor wretch am not yet dead(1). I do not pant for your act of grace, nor my mind melts much and I do not love. I do not die”(2). He shudders that he has lost the grace of God showered on him and that he has been still roaming about (2). All his senses like eyes are senseless like wood ears are dull and are harder than iron (4); his mouth does not chant the sacred five letters “Na, Ma, Ci, Va, Ya” (7). His body does not tremble and his mind does not melt(2). Bearing such a faithless body is a crime for which it must die. When it does not die, he has neither killed the love -less body and cut it into pieces (6) nor has he entered fire. When both have failed, he prays to God to command him to die(3). Feeling that He would not rid away the delusions of his body(5) the saint appeals to HIm, “I do not see the way to escape. Separated from You, what pleasure have I to survive? Do in Your grace tell me, “Do this 1” (6). “I, a, cur do not even think of You. Even though I am a wretch who do not bow at Your Feet saying your sacred name of five letters, show me the highway to You!”(7). He pleads, “Oh Civan I Showing Your twinkling jewelled Feet and making me clean of my faults, do say “Take it as your goal” and add me to the band of Your devotees” Oh my Balm I do not know what is to be done. Does this slave being in trouble please You? (8).
