23. Cheththilappaththu He prays, “Oh Civan Command the wood-eyed me too to come to the same flowery Feet for which Maal also prays aloud”. (9). He entreats, “Oh Sea which abounds the lofty mountain of Kailas! You in Your grace came, said to me graciously, “Aa Aa” and rid me of my fear. Even after I dived, drank and was satiated in the ocean of Your grace, I do not melt. Oh Civan! I am distressed as all the pleasures over-whelm me”. (10). This perhaps means “I am distressed as I am not able to enjoy the flood,of your grace in this body.” The situation so far as the saint is concerned, is unbearable. On the one hand God has been singularly kind to him and has gone to the extent of making him dive deep in the ocean of His grace. On the other hand having come so near Him he is unable to bear the tide of that overwhelming Bliss. Just as he is about to attain Him eternally he finds that he is sliding down a precipice. Hence his acute frustration, in sheer desperation is a mixture of distress and joy, to such an extent that he exclaims “I am not yet dead”. He has deep down in his sub-conscious the feeling that he will eventually make it, given a little more time and “I am not yet dead” is his way of expressing that latent consideration. This stanza (23:10) may be relevantly compared to the lamentations of the saint elsewhere. “He became to me even like the nelli fruit (Phyllanthus emblica) on one's own stretched palm. I know not what to say. Blessed be You. Is this proper? Ah! Me a mere cur, I cannot sustain this what You to me have done? I cannot comparehend. Ah! I am dead. To me Your slave what You in Your Grace have blessed I know not. With mere sipping I am not content. Swallowing I cannot take it in” (3:162–167) “I do not wish to bear any longer, this body which is not able to contain the exquisite Bliss which overruns 580
